Have you ever found that around Christmas time you have a bunch of people to buy gifts for and no idea what to get them? Do you feel bad buying a bunch of gifts out of obligation rather than because you want to give? Here are some strategies to buy well thought out gifts, and enjoy the process of gift giving again.
1. Make a list… and check it twice…
Write down the names of the individuals that you’re planning on giving gifts to. Next to their name write out 3 columns, “Things they want”, “Things they need,” “Things they like.”
| Name | Wants | Needs | Likes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Larry | a Red Ford Mustang | a new pair of sun glasses | cars, fly fishing, football, |
| Abigail | More makeup | Painting nails, running, playing the piano, | |
| Yvette | A new bed, new pair of running shoes | Anything health and fitness related, |
Brainstorm everything you know about these individuals in the 3 categories. Does cousin Larry always talk about how one day he wants to buy a Red Ford Mustang to “impress all the pretty girls”? Write that down in the wants category. Do you know that your sister-in-law Yvette loves anything to do with health and fitness? Write that down.
2. Learn more through conversation
Next time you are around these individuals actively listen for more information to add to your 3 categories. You’d be surprised how often people talk about what they like, want, and need in normal everyday conversations. Remember the things you learned and write them down as soon as you get the chance. I like to keep a list in my phone so I can add to it quickly before I forget. Did they say they like Mt. Dew? Write that down! Did they say their sunglasses broke last week? Write that down. The more specific in conversations you can get the better. You know Abigail likes makeup but what kind? Ask her about it. Don’t worry right now if it’s something you can buy for them or not, just gather information.
After you have gathered a fair bit of information, take each item on your list and think of how you could turn that into a gift. For example, Larry really wants a Ford Mustang but you don’t have the money to buy him one. You could, however, book a Ford Mustang from a rental company for a day and give that to him as a gift. You could also buy him a toy Ford Mustang with his favorite candy attached to the car saying “I bought you your Mustang so you can impress all the ladies.” This is a funny gift, but also well thought out and it shows you care.
| Name | Wants | Wants, gift idea | Need | Needs, gift idea | Likes | Likes, gift idea |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Larry | Red Ford Mustang | Ford Mustang rental for the day | New Sunglasses | New Sunglasses | Cars, fly fishing, Football | A new set of fly fishing bait, tickets to a car show |
| Abigail | More Makeup, | Mary Kay Makeup | ||||
| Yvette | Anything health related | A new blender |
With any new skill it takes time to develop but as you continue learning about the individuals around you, you will not only find gifts they love but you’ll develop habits to create deeper relationships. Receiving gifts like this are meaningful because it shows how much you care. It shows that you were actively listening them and remembered things that were important to them. That can make anyone feel special, and loved.
3. Harmonize what you would like with what they would like
Have you ever gotten a gift from someone and thought “Yep, that’s exactly what THEY would want… but not necessarily what I want…” or have you received a gift and thought “Wow everyone thinks I like this… but I really don’t.”
When giving gifts there will always be a bias on what we would want vs. what they would want. Normally people only pick one side when giving gifts. Meaning, they only buy things they would want or they only buy things their friend would want. I’ve found, however, if you buy something you both would want, the receiver of the gift always likes the gift more.
Keeping thoughtful gifts within your budget
1. Decide on your budget
Decide how much you want to spend on the individuals on your list. Work within that framework and find a gift that matches it. You really don’t need to spend a lot at all to give a thoughtful gift.
2. Go in on the gift with other family members
If there is something you know your friend/family member would love, but it’s out of your budget, ask other people that are important to this person if they would be willing to split the costs and you can go in on the gift together. For example Larry’s Sports car rental may be 100 dollars for a day but you only have 30 dollars budgeted for him. You can ask 2 other people important to Larry if they would like to split the costs with you. That way each of you pay around 30 dollars, and Larry get’s a memorable gift from 3 of his friends instead of just one.
3. Keep a Christmas gift box
Throughout the year watch for sales for the gifts on your list. Black Friday may have the best sale on your item, but sometimes buying it on clearance in April will give you a much better deal. Buy candy when it’s on clearance from Halloween. Buy Clearance items when Christmas is over and save those gifts for next year. When you gather your gifts put them all in a box in a central location you will remember. Make sure you remember the location of this box and that you write who you plan to give the gift to. You can save a lot of money by finding discounts and clearance items at non-Christmas parts of the year.
Be careful about buying “need” items to early
When my husband and I were dating, I bought him gifts in advance on 3 separate occasions that I knew he really wanted. He would inevitably end up buying what I already bought him right before the day I was planning on giving him the gift. I soon realized that the gifts i bought for him were things he “needed”. If you buy a gift that someone needs too early in the year, you may find that by the time you give them the item, they have already purchased it.
For acquaintances
There are inevitably people on your Christmas list that you don’t get to talk to as much and don’t know a lot about. For these people I either buy/make a treat for them or make something homemade. Usually if this is a person you don’t know that well, the simple effort of getting them something shows you care about them. If this is someone you should know pretty well it might be bring to light the fact that you need to get to know them better and you can apply the strategies above to do that.
Final thoughts
Giving well thought out gifts can change your mindset and how you interact with people. You start to give because you care, and not because you feel obligated to give a gift. You’ll even find as you apply these techniques that you become a better listener and develop deeper relationships. Giving gifts can truly be a joy and a fun challenge. People will notice when you think through a gift, and it can be surprising how much that means to them.
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